One thing we do in life relates to the other things in a very linear fashion. You wouldn’t believe if I told you that you could be successful in finding “Love” by working on something as simple as your style of walking! Weird? Read on!
I find myself obsessing over a crush. Naturally, I tend to think of the things I should do or say to make it happen, make it work. There are novel ways to strike a conversation of course. Once you get started, that’s where the real problem comes in. The mind is such a con artist! You will never know what hit you. One moment, your crush is talking to you nicely, the next she is trying to avoid you altogether or is just friendly and doesn’t seem to take it any further. Now, this is a shout out to the many guys who went through this or are still going through. (Note before going any further, I’m talking about guys who are well-behaved, non-creepy, honest and who have their shit together, working jobs, etc).
So how can you organize yourself through day to day activities to get to being successful in dating and relationships?
Problem: Let’s analyze. Do you, in the beginning of the work or project, imagine completing it in an unreasonably short period of time and expect awesome rewards? Do you walk real fast? Do you finish up your favorite dish in a jiffy? Do you see the rush to reach the destination and then think about enjoying the vacation? If you do these things, then you’re most likely thinking or doing the same thing when you’re out dating. You go talk to her, things get moving, you play your cards, but turns out you play more than what’s in your hand. Say, you work a decent job and are creative and do charity work and travel and juggle several responsibilities from time to time, etc. You showcase all of “you” quickly so that she gets mighty impressed by who you are, your persona, infinite things you are capable of doing and your awesomesauceness! However, hard kick in the nuts, that concept is flawed. It doesn’t work that way. Most likely, your date won’t even register 90% of the things you said and won’t be interested in the 10% she registered.
Solution: For you, there is a simple formula – ODAAT. Remember it, repeat it, imbibe it and never let it slip. It is an acronym for One Day At A Time. Yes, one day at a time, one piece of a puzzle at a time, baby steps, call it what you want. You must take one thoughtful step at a time. At work, plan and segment the project for each day instead of taking on the entire project. Take a small slice, finish it. When you’re travelling, take each moment in, feel it all. When you’re eating, don’t rush to finish it, no matter how much you love that food item. Eat it slowly, enjoying every single bite. When you’re walking, don’t rush to reach your destination (unless you need to catch a bus. In that case, RUN!). Take a firm step, enjoy taking the step, feel the ground beneath you as you move forward, walk at a nominal pace. Think about today. Today’s all you got. Now, practicing this will help you in applying this to dating as well. You will never tell her everything that comes to your mind all at once. You will be able to segment your thoughts and yourself to last a lifetime. You won’t have extreme expectations. You will like for it to progress slowly and take time. You will also appreciate the person in front of you and not see them as just a date or an object of desire.
Advantages: The little bits of information will hold firm ground in her mind and have a special place too! You will always be able to surprise her time and again. You will always have that fresh new feeling around her. She would want to know more about you that way as there is a lot more depth to you. You will tend to be more confident in your day to day living. You will become a good observer naturally. Figure out the rest of the advantages, there are plenty. 😉
Alright, lessons from ODAAT can branch out to several other things. Although, these several things probably do get sorted out on their own, we do need some pondering so that we label them and incorporate them under ODAAT.
Offshoot – Express to Impress
Problem: By now you are practicing ODAAT and things are calmer and clearer. Slowly, things are looking up. You are able to finish your projects on time, you are able to focus better, you are doing well with dating, etc. However, there is still something that’s just not right. You are talking to her, you’ve properly segmented your being to last a lifetime, but you’re still not moving forward?
Solution: While, your big business plan may be the next best thing for the market, it doesn’t really create value for her. Now what? You need to understand that information no matter how big or small must be processed along with emotion. We are emotional beings. We understand concepts based on the feelings and emotional values that surround them. For example, consider the date 14th of February. Your mind can quickly associate this seemingly random date with a very eventful day each year. Valentine’s Day! You see the effect? The emotion surrounding Valentine’s Day is powerful enough to assign a value to the information that is the date. Similarly, you must package the information about yourself with an emotional glaze paper. If you tell her about your startup and add to it why you want to do it or what it means to you, you got through! She’ll immediately understand why it is important. Add to it, she’ll realize the sexiness that comes along with you being the boss of you! 😉
You can cultivate this by adding content to your work rather than just presentation and packaging. When you’re exercising at the gym, do it for yourself instead of showing off your muscles to others around. Focus! When you talk to your friends, stop saying egotistical things. They don’t matter. Tell them what you really feel about something. If you’re a musician or an artist, create content that you feel like creating. Play the instrument for the feel of it and not to showcase your prowess. Allow yourself to feel more. Avoid showing-off!
Key point: Information alone is Impression (Note: we can talk about information in ego terms but for that we’ll need to deviate, more on that later). Information with emotion is Expression. Express to Impress!
Offshoot 2 – Space
Problem: I think the problem here is self-explanatory. You’re doing your thing, ODAAT, Expressing, etc. But you tend to block her from everything else but you. Besides, taking up her time, you are taking out all of your time for her. The day isn’t far when she loses all respect and admiration for you. She won’t be attracted to you anymore. Things will start going downhill from there.
Solution: No matter how close you think you are to her, keep your distance. There will always be a demand for Space! Yes, it seems obvious but most men get too attached and don’t see this coming. A relationship should always be all about personal growth. When it is hindered, problems arise. The biggest conflict sets in when Space is restricted. She needs time to pursue her other interests, meet friends and go on outings separate from your own. Now, what do you do to maintain that crucial space? Simple! Get involved in your own activities. If you can’t find any, create some. Create hobbies for yourself. Travelling, for example. That way you’ll keep busy and meet her only when both of you find a suitable time to. You’d have already realized this by practicing ODAAT. A little reminder doesn’t hurt. You can inculcate this by committing to a piece of work. When you commit to it, you see the work through an objective lens. It is quite the opposite when you are attached to your work. You tend to like your work, you cling onto the details. For example, you refuse to change the color scheme of a presentation even though it doesn’t go with the overall theme of the seminar. This is commonplace in creative ventures. Tunes, lyrics, shapes, color scheme, etc.
Offshoot 3 – Too much niceness – there is no such thing
Problem: Yes, you read it right! There is no such thing as too much niceness. What is niceness here? Not to be confused with chivalry, i.e., dropping her home late at night, opening doors, etc. As a matter of fact, the “niceness” I’m about to describe and chivalry are at opposite ends of a magnet. “Niceness” here means always compromising your stance for hers, putting her interests before yours, always being available, never contradicting her even though you find her argument flawed, never expressing your opinions in the fear of upsetting her, etc.
Solution: When you do this, you aren’t being “nice”, you are being an expendable pawn on the chessboard. You lose your respect. You are a mere pushover. You are easy. Stop. You have already learned in the above sections that you need to have personal interests that will keep you busy, so you won’t be in the “always available” category. The section “Express” has already taught you how to project emotional essence along with the information you give. As an extension, you must Express your reasoning whenever situation demands. Express what you feel about something she said. Telling her she is wrong won’t make her detest you. Instead, that will make her realize you have a valid point that she hasn’t taken into account. She will see you as a human having a stance. She will see that you are confident, you are not a pushover. So, instead of being “nice”, be actually nice! You are the guy who is naturally nice to her when she is nice to you. You are nice because that is the right thing to do at that particular time.
Altogether, the above sections paint a holistic picture of how you should live your life – By being true to yourself! That is the only way you will be able to find success in dating and/or day to day activities. Always remember the one formula that will enable to you to live a happy life – ODAAT!